I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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