I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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