just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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