Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
