He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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