Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She bit a glass in half.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
