thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
