This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
