Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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