if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
