i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
