But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
