You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize