whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
