He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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