I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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