Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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