i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
