he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
