someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize