I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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