oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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