bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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