it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
