A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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