Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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