It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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