i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
