im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
