fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
