Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
