You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize