I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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