Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
