she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
