No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
