Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
