The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
