Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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