He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
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