Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
