You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
