I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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