there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
