we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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