we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
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