he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
