hotel room ftw
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize