She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
