i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
