So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
