She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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