Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
