Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
