I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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