is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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