oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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