I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
