Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
