U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
there is glitter all over my balls
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
