can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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