Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
