the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
