How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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