You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
