his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
