My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
