Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
