Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
me + whiskey = a bad person
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
