DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
