We're like a lot better than the average bears
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
