Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
