I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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