remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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