I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He? As in you personified your dick?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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