i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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