This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
