that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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