please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
