Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
