did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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