i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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