If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
