just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
