I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
