if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
