Do vagina's smell?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
