I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
