I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
