i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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