tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
