when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
