you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
