i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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