He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
