I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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